Boob Tube BooBoos

HOST: What is your home province known for—what’s unusual about it? Guest: Unlike Manila, its old churches, beautiful natural wonders and slow way of life make it one of the most rusty provinces in the country!

(Ay, kinalawang ang probinsya niya!)

* * *

Host: What do you remember most about the ’50s and the ’60s? Guest: The food! It was simple but filling and delicious—and quick, also. Especially, the fast Chinese food served at—what was that place?—Mamang Look?

(No, Ma Mon Luk!)

* * *

Host: We know that your family is hard-up, so we asked one of our sponsors to give you a four-year college scholarship! Guest: Naku, salamat po! Host: Isn’t that great? Hindi mo na kailangang maghanap ng trabaho, kasi magiging college graduate ka na!

(Ano daw?!)

* * * Host: Some people say the masa has a hard time relating to you because you look rich.

Guest: Oh, no, I’m not! I need this job, so I want to make it in show

biz. I was not born with a spoon in my mouth!

(—Not even a wooden one?)

* * *

Host: Is this a difficult dish to prepare? Will it take long? Guest chef: No, we can do it fast—it takes but all 30 minutes only to roast!

(That fast, huh?)

* * *

Host: How can the Philippines compete better in the call center boom? Guest: Like in our company, we need more English improbement.

(Look who’s talking...)

* * *

Host: What was your reaction when you heard that your relative had succeeded in his mission?

Guest: We feeled very happy and proud!

(Ay, we feeled!)

Host: When will your new organization have its first meeting? Guest: We will meet May 16 of this month.

(Kulit!)

* * *

Host: Do you have a sideline? What is it? Guest: I’m a dance tractor!

(Dance tractor?—Oh, dance instructor!)

* * *

Host: Do you think your company will achieve your goal for 2006? Guest: Definitely, if we work hard, we will go high on the heels of the traditional industry leader in our field.

(—Wearing high heels?!)

* * *

Host: What is your role in your new movie? Guest: I play a former prostitoot.

(Ay, prostitoot!)

* * * Host: What is your father’s position in your company? Is he already retired?

Guest: No, he’s still the presently incumbent president.

(Presently na, incumbent pa!)

Host: What are your plans for the future?

Guest: I don’t plan. I just do whatever it comes my way!

(Quote, unquote!)

* * *

Host: Tell us about your next project.

Guest: We’re publishing a coffee book table!

(—You mean, a coffee-table book!)

* * *

Host: Is your mother still working as a teacher? Guest: No, she’s already retied. (—Untie her, quick!)

ADD ON

‘Luneta’

THE 27 participants in Gantimpala Theater Foundation’s annual musical-theater workshop under Roeder Camañag will perform in “Luneta, A Musical Revue,” on May 27, 6 p.m., at Rizal Park’s open-air auditorium. Call 5280607.

Iverson Named All NBA Third Team

The NBA announced that Allen Iverson has been named to the All-NBA Third Team. This is Iverson's seventh-career All-NBA selection and first as a member of the Third Team. He was a First Team selection in 2004-05, 2000-01 and 1998-99 and a Second Team selection in 2002-03, 2001-02 and 1999-2000. Playing in his 10th NBA season, Iverson finished in the top 10 in scoring (2nd, 33.0 ppg), assists (8th, 7.4 apg), steals (7th, 1.94 spg) and minutes per game (1st, 43.1). Additionally, Iverson averaged 30 or more points and seven or more assists per game for the second-consecutive year and joined Oscar Robertson (6 times) as the only players in NBA history to accomplish this feat in multiple seasons. Joining Iverson on the Third Team are fellow Eastern Conference guard Gilbert Arenas of the Washington Wizards and a Western Conference frontline of Phoenix’s Shawn Marion, Denver’s Carmelo Anthony and Houston’s Yao Ming. The 126-member voting panel of writers and broadcasters throughout the United States and Canada consisted of national media members and members from each of the league’s 30 teams who regularly cover the NBA. The media voted for All-NBA First, Second and Third Teams by position with points awarded on a 5-3-1 basis.

Husband v1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications. She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Husband 1.0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2.4, GirlsNight 3.5 and CocktailNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Husband 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features she'd like to see in the upcoming Husband 2.0 include: 1. A "Yes I'll cook, clean etc." button. 2. An install shield feature that allows Husband 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources. I myself decided to avoid the headache associated with Husband 1.0 by sticking with BoyFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install BoyFriend 2.0 on top of BoyFriend 1.0; each program begins damaging the other. You must uninstall BoyFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. You'd think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now! To make matters worse, the uninstall program for BoyFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing--all versions of BoyFriend 1.0 continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Husband 1.0. Bug Warning: Husband 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 before uninstalling Husband 1.0, Husband 1.0 will delete MS Clothing allowance files, before doing the uninstall himself. More applications that won't run with Husband 1.0 include Chippendale 2.0, Netballwatching 3.5, Suremoreshoes 6.0, and Cleanup 4.3. Applications that run very well with Husband 1.0, however, include Bummingaround 1.0, Pubnight 2.3, Golfing 2.7, Pokernight 5.3, and Wanderingeyes 4.9.

amber

Brainstorm Take me away from the norm I got to tell you something This phenomenon I had to put it in a song And it goes like Whoa amber is the color of your energy Whoa shades of gold displayed naturally You ought to know what brings me here You glide through my head blind to fear And I know why Whoa amber is the color of your energy Whoa shades of gold displayed naturally Whoa amber is the color of your energy Whoa shades of gold displayed naturally You live too far away Your voice rings like a bell anyway Don't give up your independence Unless it feels so right Nothing good comes easily Sometimes you gotta fight

test files

almost 2 weeks of being unemployed... hapon: MedtransOnline (Laguna) test files - Functional capacity evaluation (reminiscent of Mashhood, hehehe). konting problem sa voice file..medyo garbled...may konting blanks...just can't understand what the MD was saying...no feedbacks yet...start of work would be on June 1...sana matanggap it's 12:21 a.m. - just finished doing test files with Traveler's Transcription Services from Angeles, Pampanga...luring me to work for them "in house" with free lodging. just got the feedback: "they were impressive...you can be an MT/QA"...asking me to train in house for a week or 2 for the formatting as the clients are strict with it. QA: 0.75 MT: 1.00 direct: 1.25 i have to talk to the wife and kids about this...

summer school graduation

If education is always to be conceived along the same antiquated lines of a mere transmission of knowledge, there is little to be hoped from it in the bettering of man's future. For what is the use of transmitting knowledge if the individual's total development lags behind? - Maria Montessori Goldenville School of Montessori having the bragging right of being "The First Montessori School of San Ildefonso". The graduate with her mom receiving the Certificate of Graduation from the school administrator. The mom wasn't supposed to be on stage with the graduate having her "sumpong", didn't receive the certificate alone as she should have.

first post

don't know what to write...guess i'll just welcome myself...